Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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