I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
this boner is exhausting
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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