I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
