Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
