Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
