i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
