Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
