??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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