I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
