have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
