Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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