look no pants
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
