you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
God, I missed his penis.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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