yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
