Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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