He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
