You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
