Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
