i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
