nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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