Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
