he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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