just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
