Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
