I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
