this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Still dying that you shit outside
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
