Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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