Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Sext me about skeletons
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
