dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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