i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Alive.
So much puke
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
