If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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