I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
