please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
