she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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