she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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