meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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