I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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