Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
