so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
