I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
