New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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