He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
