Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
