Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Randomize
