the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
