Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
