So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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