both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
