His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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