im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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