I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Randomize
