The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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