69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
