I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
